A quick one

Some friends have commented on how grim this blog has become in the past months. I agree, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that I’ve grown grimmer as a person. I think I’m still the same guy but for some odd reason, I only write here when something bugs me badly enough  these days.

It’s all part of being in your late twenties, I hear

Just a little secret

Allow me to tell you the story of boys and girls from broken homes. More often than not, they turn out to be quite the extremist. Either they’ve given up completely on all  things in life, or they pick up the pieces and strive to be the best they can be. Logical? It should be, because whatever doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger right?

But I’ll let you in on a little secret. No matter how much they want to, there will always be things that they cannot let go of. That no matter how much they try to be normal, they know that they aren’t and cannot be.

They cannot, as much as they want to, believe in love or the importance of it. Perhaps it’s because they had to grow up earlier than their peers. Perhaps they use it as a self-defense mechanism. Perhaps. But some try, and fail miserably. I’m trying really hard not to sound cheesy here, but it’s very common a problem. They do not want to be hurt. Not the way their parents were hurt, and in turn, hurt them. It’s easier to just turn a blind eye to this emotion that seems to wreck lives, to just puff up their chests and say that it’s nothing but a chemical reaction in their brains and it will be over soon. Because it just hurts less that way. 

And sometimes, it becomes an obsession. The obsession not to become too attached to anything because nothing is permanent. And it is this very obsession that some people label “commitment-phobic”.

Go figure. 

I remember

Girl, 

It’s been a while since we last spoke, hasn’t it? It feels like a lifetime away, you and I. These days, you’re doing your thing and I’m doing mine. We’re too busy for each other.

I remember when we used to just sit and talk. And we used to talk a great deal, we used to talk about our dreams, our aspirations, our families and how much they all mean to us. I remember us sitting by the beach and talked so much we forgot the time till we saw the sun come up.

I remember when we used to fight. We’d yell our heads off at each other. And we’d both feel so guilty afterwards.

I remember how we used to go for ice cream after fights. You always had chocolate. Is it still your favourite?

I remember how charming your smile was. How you would walk into a room and everyone would smile because yours was just so infectious. I was just proud because I walked in with you.

I remember the things you taught me. You taught me how to smoke after a meal because your dad did it. I was amazed because you didn’t smoke but you could tell if I changed brands because of the smell. You taught me how to be patient and not let the small things fuss me. You told me tomorrow would be better and I believed you. You told me not to take things too seriously and that made me a more fun person.

Come to think of it, you made me a better person. And the amazing thing is, you didn’t even try. You didn’t set out to make me better, you were just being you. I’ve always been so busy trying to be better than everyone else, trying to prove my worth, trying to show the world what I was made of. You told me that I should stop trying so hard and be happy for a bit. You told me that the world’s greatest ambition is to be happy and I should be happy too. You told me about the things I should be happy for and I saw them.

Today, I’m happier, I’m stronger and I’m less uptight. And for that, I have you to thank. For you were a big part of my life and in many ways, you transformed me. I came out a better person after having spent time with you. You no longer hold the same effect you as you used to on me. But I still think of you at times. Because I remember. How could I not?

Thank you for having been a part of me in a moment in time. Good luck with the rest of your life.

 

Watching the world go by

Isn’t it strange? How I initially had loads to say and write. But when it actually comes to crunch time, when I’ve loaded this page, I don’t actually feel like saying it anymore?

I’ve been catching up with some friends, some closer than the others. Quite amusingly, all I can think about is playing catch up. About how everyone’s moved on and how, uncharacteristically, I feel stagnant. Or rather, the imagery in my head is that I’m in the eye of the storm whilst everyone else is whizzing by around me. 

This is strange indeed. I wonder what everyone else sees… 

The Shark

He’s gone. Out of my life. Finito. No longer here. He was my first and for many years, my only. I remember the day I first had him. We went around town and I just had to show him off for handsome, he was. I call him “The Shark” for he looked like a great white, ready to pounce. But then he went swimming when my house floods, and I was irresponsible. His skin started to flake and I couldn’t care less. He started to make funny noises and I ignored them. He started to smell like an ashtray because I smoked in him.When the buyer started kicking at him, criticising him for what he is, I had an epiphany - I am a terrible car owner.   That’s right folks, I sold the Galant. The shark is no longer mine and he now goes under the name of KN6428. I felt a tinge of sadness when he was driven off, which was madness because I don’t get attached to my stuff. But I guess every boy has a special bond with his very first car…  

Till the cows come home

 How does one blog about sadness? How does one actually place all his emotions into a piece of real estate on cyberspace for all to see? There are people who do it and it helps them move on with life. And I can begin to understand. They need a place to rant, to grief and to cry when it seems like nobody else would understand. Some write what are supposed to be secrets because it helps.I wish I could do that. To tell someone what’s on my mind. To at least have one person who understands where I am right now. Or at least to grief openly about it in this blog. But it does everyone more harm than good. And it serves no purpose. But just so that I can say I’ve tried, here goes - I’m devastated. Only one person truly understands why. So you, yes I know you read this blog on a regular basis. Without hope or agenda, let me tell you this - I’m hurt, I’m angry, I mourn but I know tomorrow will be better. For you and for me. May you have a blessed life.

2008 seems like the beginning of a good year. I’ve been really busy with the new company. 

In my previous post, I was looking for good staff and boy, what an adventure that was. To cut a long story short, I interviewed many and took 7 in, out of which 3 didn’t turn up for work. That left me with 4 but 2 left almost within the week but 1 more joined. I now have 3 and I’m still searching.

 

But besides that, everything seems to be going my way so far. We’ve had no major hiccups yet. “Yet” being the operative word. Let’s see how far this one will go

  

Searching

I don’t mix business with pleasure. Ok, that’s a blatant lie, but I TRY not to mix business with pleasure. However, I DO complain time to time about the quality of people we have in this country. You see, I’ve been looking everywhere for good people to work with. (Trust me, I’ve been looking EVERYWHERE, including under my carpet)

The question is- where are they? Why is it that noone I ever interview is disciplined, smart and willing to learn? Why is it that everyone I come across seems to think that they know just about everything they should know already? I’m trying very hard not to generalise here but it’s hard when all you see everyday is interviewees who seem to think that they are doing ME a favour by just turning up for the interview? Yes, I have my fair share of no-shows. But even the ones that DO turn up, well, let’s not go into that.

If any of you out there know of some good people for the below position, please get them to respond to the ad. Till then, I’ll keep searching under my carpet…

A well-established company is looking for suitable applicants to fill in the positions of SALES ASSOCIATES. If you possess an outgoing personality, are hungry for success and love a fast-paced environment, we would like to hear from you.

Sales Associates
1. Citizen or Permanent Residents of Brunei Darussalam
2. Minimum GCE ‘O’ Levels
3. Fluent in English and Malay.
4. No experience required as training will be provided
5. Must possess own transport as well as Class 3 Driving License
6. No criminal records

Send a detailed resume along with a passport-sized photo to omnibrunei@gmail.com.
Only short-listed candidates will be notified.

Rollercoasters

It seems to me (and probably to more than just a few of you) that I’ve left this blog untouched for a while now. When I started this, it was never meant to be sombre, reflective nor serious. I’m a funny guy, I breeze through life with enthusiasm and zest. But the past weeks have been somewhat of an emotional rollercoaster for me. And those of you who know me in real life would know that’s rare.

It’s a feeling that rather hard to explain and to be honest, it’s very strange to me. This feeling that something is not quite right in the world. That just because we’ve grown accustomed to it does not mean that we should just “live with it”. And it encompasses many things many of us would deem important. And this time, getting a new tattoo will just not cut it.

Quite simply, if Armageddon arrives tomorrow, and the world is wiped out, I honestly couldn’t care less. In fact, I might even say that I welcome it. Speaking of which, what would YOU do if you knew that we all die tomorrow?

7 random facts about me

Seriously.. they’ve got to be kidding!!! Anyway, you’ve been tagged… hehehe… have fun! Just follow this link:
http://confessionsofaqueenbee.blogspot.com/2007/10/my-7-random-facts.html

Talk about an opportunity to blow your own trumpet!

1. When I was younger, much younger than today, I wanted to be a pilot and nothing else. I went for a SIA interview when I was in Penang, only to get rejected because I didn’t have my diploma yet. The interviewer told me that they definitely wanted to see me again and to apply again when I graduated. I graduated just in time for 9/11 to happen. I held a Private Pilot’s License for a while, only to realise that I couldn’t afford to keep it concurrent. And yes, I sometimes still look up in the skies and swear.

2. I love satire. Anything overly-rude with funny intentions tend to veer towards polite. I don’t know how that quite works but I’m loving it. The world takes itself too seriously, in my opinion.

3. Whiskeys are fine. But give me a girly drink anyday. And that includes vodka cranberry juice, daiquiries, pina coladas and so on and so forth. I’m a girly drink-drinker. Anyday.

4. At the tender age of 18, I almost died 3 times in a day, once by an acrobatic van that almost flew off the edge of a cliff, once by an over-zealous crocodile and once by almost geting nudged off Selangor Hill.

5. Growing up fair-skinned, I’ve always had a deep compulsion to get tanned.

6. Girls who can do what I can do but better fascinate me.

7. I secretly wish I could read minds, which explains all the books I read.